The Role of Fatherhood - PAPA IS BOSS

Although the various clubs and organizations mentioned in this article may be obsolete the message is just as relevant today as it was when this was written by Auleen B. Eberhardt for the Holy Family in 1955

Nearly every night when I read the birth announcements in the paper, I see where some member of the Catholic Mother’s Study Clubs has had another baby. “How are the mothers going to manage all those little children?” gasped a well-meaning, but worried friend of mine.“By having papa as boss,” I replied, with a smile.“Nonsense!” she scoffed. “Most fathers are just figureheads in the home. This is an age of woman’s supremacy. Anyway, men don’t know much about managing children.” Having “blown off steam”, she sat back and waited for me to begin arguing, but I had no need of argument. I just stated facts.

For years, the slogan “Papa is boss” has been accepted by the members of the Catholic Mother’s Study Clubs of Dubuque as the first step in successful child management. Now, this doesn’t imply that fathers are to be noisy dictators of the household, drastically laying down the law on all occasions. It means, rather, that children are taught to respect their fathers and to obey them as a matter of everyday living. Yes, it is just as simple as that.

Some of the mothers in our study club groups have nine children; a goodly number have eight and seven; many have six and five youngsters most of whom are just a year apart. These young mothers realize that it would be utterly impossible to raise large families without the discipline that can be found only in a household where children respect their parents and take their direction, without continual uproar and argument. The mothers expect their husbands to take a big interest in the children; to guide and counsel them; and above all, to be Christian fathers in the genuine sense of the word. Consequently, they teach their children, from the time they can understand, that “papa is boss.”

When the children recognize, in their father, a person of importance, the work of child-rearing has been well begun. Little children instinctively desire to look up to their fathers. They are anxious to please him by good conduct. Wise mothers take advantage of this instinct, and their households are characterized by peace and good order, laughter, and plenty of happiness.

One of the fathers of my acquaintance (he has seven small children) teaches each son and daughter the easy way to be orderly. When they are just toddlers, he shows them how to put away their toys in the special chest, which has been made by him for the youngster. Later, he shows his little girl or boy how to keep shoes, socks, clothing in order. Meanwhile, the older children carry on their duties which include “picking up” for the family, so that despite the traffic of seven pairs of feet through the big house, there is little trace of disorder.

“Dad doesn’t like things in a mess,” the children say to one another; and their mother smiles in content. She realizes that by teaching her children to obey their father, he, in turn, teaches them to keep order in the house. Thus, her many duties are considerably lightened. She has more time for meal-preparation, cleaning and mending which, with a large family, take up many hours.

Screaming, cantankerous children are in the minority in households where “papa is boss.” Few men, who have the true welfare of their families at heart, have the patience to tolerate tantrums; consequently, children who might otherwise develop a mulish streak, think twice before howling over trifles.

Very young mothers, with their first babies are counseled, when they become members of the CMSC, about having their husbands share the responsibility of training the child. In this way, children learn to recognize parental authority at an early age, and the battle of home discipline is won before it really begins. The methods advocated in the CMSC, incidentally, are those approved by the Catholic Church, the middle course which means that parents should not be too strict and exacting, yet not too lenient. Consistency in discipline, and in giving and seeing that orders are carried out, is always stressed. A parent cannot punish for a fault one day and excuse it another and still retain the respect of a child.

Members of the CMSC are taught the wisdom of expecting good conduct from their children as a customary thing. Bad behavior among little people in our groups is rapidly becoming unpopular. For one thing, the mothers are too busy caring for new babies; for another, young fathers who have to work hard all day to make a living for their families, look with disfavor upon unruly offspring. But the most important thing is the fact that CMSC members report that children are coming around to the common-sense viewpoint that they can have more fun and enjoyment with the family when they learn to behave. This all ties up with teaching the youngsters that their fathers love them dearly—but expect them to be pleasant, obedient children.

Mothers whose children know that “papa is boss” have an easier time with their small folk during the day. Obedience is contagious. The majority of children like parental praise. The words: “I must tell Daddy what a good little girl you have been today,” work wonders on a child who has become tired of being nice and is about to indulge in some choice bit of mischief-making. The child values the good opinion of her father, and rather than spoil it, often refrains from being naughty.

While putting the slogan “papa is boss” to practical use does not solve all family problems for CMSC members, it does make their task of child-rearing somewhat easier, and in the long run, more successful. They find that their children are more family minded when they can look up to their fathers as the head of the household.

Then, too these mothers of many fast-growing children have come to a realization that the cooperation of husband and wife in the home, brings out much that is good in the character of parents and gives the children the feeling of being safe from harm, because of the loving care with which they are surrounded. This has, undeniably, a beneficial effect upon the characters of the youngsters. When they go to school, they are less likely to rebel against teachers. They have learned the art of getting along with others—because they have been taught to recognize cooperation and authority in the home.

What more beautiful picture than their little ones around them at night for family prayers, which are led by their husbands, there is a touch of heaven in the homes as the children—depending on their ages—pray the Rosary, or the Litany of the Sacred Heart, or just say the Our Father and a few Hail Mary’s. Fathers, mothers, and children, kneeling together in family prayer, thanking God for the day’s blessings, is the highlight of the home where the mother is honored as the heart, and the father as the head of the household.